The War I Finally Won

“I tried to speak but no words came out. I choked and then I was sobbing, and Susan rocked me back and forth, back and forth as if I was a little baby, as if she loved me, as if she always had.”

Ada is overwhelmed with relief when Susan assures her that she and Jamie will stay with her. Ada mistakenly thought that because Mam died, she and Jamie would need to live in an orphanage. This reaction illustrates Ada’s immense fear that she and Jamie will be left alone in the world. Susan’s persistent love despite Ada’s skepticism is quickly established as a theme of their interpersonal dynamic.

“I walked to the station like a regular girl. Right foot, left foot.”

Ada’s elation at walking like a regular girl illustrates how severely Mam demonized her for her clubfoot. Her corrective surgery gives her more confidence, although she internalized much of her mother’s hateful shame and still feels only “like” a regular girl. It will take more careful nurturing from Susan to help Ada feel more comfortable in public spaces.

“Susan gave me the bedroom at the top of the stairs. A whole bedroom all on my own”

For most of her life, Ada was forced to share a tiny flat with her Mam and Jamie. Mam was abusive, prohibiting her from leaving the flat and sometimes locking her in a tiny cupboard as punishment. For Ada, having a bedroom to call her own provides her with a huge sense of independence and freedom.