I Will Save You

“I keep picturing it over and over in the pitch black of solitary confinement. With my arms and legs strapped down and my head taped in place so I can’t move or barely even breathe.”

This passage follows the opening scene when Kidd pushes Devon off the cliff. Kidd says that he is in solitary confinement, underscoring his belief that he is in prison. Details such as the utter darkness, his limbs being strapped down, and his immobilized head suggest that he may not be in jail and foreshadow that he is in the hospital.

“I imagine her looking down from heaven right now. Her only son in solitary confinement, being tortured. And I see from her expression how heartbroken she is. Tears running makeup stains down her cheeks and her chin quivering and her eyes so sad.”

Kidd believes himself to be in prison, and because he is strapped down in the dark, he also believes that he is being tortured. His mind wanders to his mother. He imagines her disappointment and sadness at what he has done. His concern suggests how much he loved and respected her, for even after her death he seeks her approval.

“I laid in my tent that night, on top of my sleeping bag, writing my first-ever philosophy about how people are asleep even when they’re awake and about seeing colors and being on autopilot. I addressed it to myself, like a letter to me, thinking I could read it later on and remember all the important things I learned from Mr. Red.”

After hearing Red’s philosophy about how people sleepwalk through life, Kidd purchases a notebook to write down what he learns. Addressing each entry as a letter to himself, Kidd anticipates needing this important advice later, a foreshadowing. Most of his reflections so far are in response to Red, which indicates how much Kidd respects the man.